Cookie Notice Watch popular content from the following creators: Aimzy(@aimzygg), jordan(@jjsshenanigans), sam(@.samceline), Human(@_that_human_being_), Sophia Voropaeva(@_sopha21), jamal(@jamallxoxo), camille ;)(@111camillee), Jafiki(@jafiki), (@user1118012706685), Bacon vs Emos on this acc(@savage.bacon68) . Updated: 13 September 2022 First Published: 16 September 2019 Kids are natural comedians, they love telling jokes and laughing at even the silliest stories. How do you embarrass an archaeologist? This response works because it makes it seem like you dont really care what the question asker wanted. You're not completely useless. I like waiters, they bring a lot to the table. The salesman asks him, "Do you want an aquarium?" Forcing the other person to awkwardly explain their rude question. You can drop them off anywhere. Why didn't the skeleton get a prom date? My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down. When When When When When When When. I swear I wasnt lying, I was just writing fiction with my mouth again. He only comes once a year. 47. When I see ads on TV featuring smiley housewives using some new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds theyreclearlyon. Youre late! she yells. What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind? Anticipation is the place to ask and answer thought-provoking questions place to ask and answer thought-provoking.. Me a joke if you simply ask it to -- just say `` alexa tell. What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum? This response works because it responds to the rude question with a level of innocence that fully brings attention to how rude the question asker was being towards you. What did one light bulb say to the other light bulb on Valentines Day? Question: What is another name for female Viagra? is the thing only people in Ohio do."*. Someones always willing to blow your bonus. This one is both funny and clever because at first, it seems like a strange response but then it becomes clear that you are calling the question asker dumb. How do you stop a bull from charging? In addition to the 70 jokes below, we've also got .css-k807px{-webkit-text-decoration:underline;text-decoration:underline;text-decoration-thickness:0.0625rem;text-decoration-color:brandColorSenary;text-underline-offset:0.25rem;color:#006603;-webkit-transition:background .4s ease-in-out,color .4s ease-in-out;transition:background .4s ease-in-out,color .4s ease-in-out;background:linear-gradient(to bottom,#e6f4e1 0,#e6f4e1 100%);-webkit-background-position:0 100%;background-position:0 100%;background-repeat:repeat-x;-webkit-background-size:0 0;background-size:0 0;}.css-k807px:hover{color:#29511A;text-decoration-color:border-link-body-hover;-webkit-background-size:0.625rem 3.125rem;background-size:0.625rem 3.125rem;}dad jokes, jokes for kiddos, mom jokes, and jokes for holidays that you can share them with the youngest person in the room. Then it hit me. 35) A couple gets married, and on their wedding night, the wife asks what a penis is. I said you look fat in those pants. A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, Anything you say can and will be held against you. The man replies, Boobs!. If you see me laughing, its because I already have. Because he was always spotted. To Who? Kid: who asked? Martin holds a Masters degree in Finance and International Business. *wink*. Because he neverlands. Hmmm, I guess you can see how much I care over there (then point to an empty hallway or somethinh similar) then grin. You can try being the life of the party with one of these: Be careful joking with women. What did the buffalo say when his kid went to college? Everyone loves a good crowd-pleaserthat's why we call them that! ", What did the swordfish say to the marlin? Now the focus has shifted back to them, showing anyone in earshot how rude the first question was, making them embarrassed and making you laugh. You think youre funny, but youre snot!. Knock Knock Whos there? Used when someone brings up something irrelevant or not wanted in a conversation. For more information, please see our Many are one-liners so you can remember them to share and share again, and your kids can retell them to their friends too, maybe even years later. "I stand corrected!" Pathetic, unoriginal kid just wanting attention. Otherwise, close the page now. "Dill me in!". well, almost never! The best response to who asked is to stay calm and do your best not to overreact. Did your parents ask for you? We dont serve your type.. Why do oranges wear sunscreen? What did the monster eat after it had its teeth taken out? It is hard to know what response to go with, clever or funny. That way, when you criticize them, you'll be a mile away, and you'll have their shoes. A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better. What did one pig say to the other on Valentine's Day? Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, Heres something I have that youll never have! How did a card's friends know she was enamored with someone? What do a penis and a Rubiks Cubes have in common? Did you hear the rumor about butter? Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. 32. Why do vegans give better head? I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. Hope you do, too: Here come the longer funny jokes! Well, this day was a total waste of makeup. You might enjoy: 24+ Clean Comebacks for Get a Life. When he thinks he's "him" but he's really just another "he" som original - . Knock knock. A bear walks into a restaurant. By the taste. 36. It can be frustrating, and its often a difficult comeback to come up with. When I was in junior high, the girls in my class would laugh at me or ask questions designed to embarrass me. Because it said Concentrate on the side of the can. Or it is asked to someone who just said something that doesnt help whatever point the question asker was trying to make. Because he's got little legs. Did you fall from heaven? This had the gang in the orchestra pit howling. Person 2: Who's there? Whats the difference between your job and a dead hooker? I would kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. Which will often come across very rudely. Explanation: Kleptomaniacs (people with the impulse to steal) take things literally because they literally take things. 50 Brilliant Sarcastic Jokes That Will Crack You Up When You're Feeling Snarky By Mlanie Berliet Updated February 10, 2022 1. I dont think so. Wife comes back from the doctor and says to her husband: The speed limit of sex is 68, because at 69 you have to turn around. Ten-tickles. . navigator.sendBeacon('https://www.google-analytics.com/collect', payload); What did the dog say when it sat on some sandpaper? How do you open a banana? How much money does a pirate pay for corn? Once my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles. A tomato in an elevator. 11. You know there's no official training for trash collectors? "Catch up!". I took the shell off of my racing snail, thinking it would make him faster. Did something bad happen to you, or are you just naturally this terrible of a person? I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger, then it hit me. If idiots grew on trees, this place would be an orchard. See ya! Such as bosses, future bosses, hopeful romantic partners, future in-laws, or random people on the street. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right side of the bed wakes up and says, Wow, I had this mad dream I was getting a hand job. The guy on the left side of the bed has also woken up and says that hes had the same dream, too. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I'm so good at sleeping I can do it with my eyes closed! 125 best Dad jokes 2020: cringeworthy, funny and downright bad jokes that will make you laugh Make your friends and family cringe with these god-awful jokes By Finlay Greig 17th Jun 2020,. 5. Theres no menu: You get what you deserve. Banana Jokes. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. A nervous wreck. There was nothing left but de-Brie. An impasta. Viper07__ 3 yr. ago. Masturbation is like procrastinationits all good fun until you realize youre just fucking yourself. A liar. Descartes replies, I think not and promptly disappears. I hate it when I go to hug someone really sexy and my face smashes right into the mirror. 1.) What's E.T. It needed help figuring out its problems. said the man in the orthopedic shoes. You cared enough to dismiss it; that counts. You might like: 22+ Witty Comebacks for Your Mom. All while making the question asker look dumb. They all are standing there awkwardly until one of them spots a stain on the carpet. Continue with Recommended Cookies, It has happened to all of us. 13. Privacy Policy. A four-chin teller. But when played all at once, they form a C-minor chord. Be sure to check back with us soon for more funny jokes. Did you know you can actually listen to the blood in your veins? It can be used in a lot of contexts but usually, did I ask you? is more often than not a rhetorical question, with no answer being looked for.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[728,90],'grammarhow_com-box-3','ezslot_7',105,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-grammarhow_com-box-3-0'); The short answer is, yes. What did prehistoric animals get instead of blisters? Sharing is caring! The extra E in three and the missing R in error. The third error? Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back? In any case, a witty comeback will put the other person in their place and let them know that youre not going to take their crap. And do you love, well, jokes? * You didn't ask me? "Ouch! These office jokes are so funny, they'll make your day better or at least they'll take you away from what you're working on for a few minutes. Robin. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. Explanation: A Buddhist whos one with everything is connected to the universe. On June 15th, 2011, Neogaf [5] user Dizzy-4U used the line as a humorous response in a thread. No harm in telling the truth, you werent asked and this response is extra clever because it doesnt give the question asker the reaction from you that they were looking for. One was a-salted. If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? How did the pig get to the hogspital? I dont think its possible for me to become a sniper. If you know of some funny questions and Cortana replies that are not on the list, please share them in the comments section below. I didnt ask you for a response and yet you gave one. Do you love telling jokes? 50. Whats the difference between your wife and your job? What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals? How does a squid go into battle? Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack? That really hurt!" the first friend exclaims. 50 Valentine's Day Jokes 1. What did the pirate say when he turned 80? Ivana. ? I dont know how to do it. His wife asked me if I could say a quick word. More jokes about: church, men, money, priest, wife. When someone asks did I ask you, you have only a moment to decide whether to be clever or funny. When he did, I asked why he was ignoring me. If at first you dont succeed, blame someone else and seek counseling. Three words to ruin a mans ego? Fssh. Tyrannosaurus Wrecks. A gummy bear. A limbo champ walks into a bar. What do you call a bear without any teeth? Looking for some laughs today? What do you call a zen master in charge of snacks? I don't know, but their flag is a huge plus. I think its time for us to go our separate ways and start making other people miserable. All Rights Reserved. You wait here, I'll go on ahead. 22. What did one plate say to the other plate? She wanted it in case she had to draw blood. While it may be tempting to give a rude comment a piece of your mind, doing so is unlikely to change the situation for the better. You might enjoy: 50 Dirty Comebacks and Insults to Win Every Argument. 9. In his sleevies. Well, I'm not going to spread it. They just pick things up as they go along. Once. On February 4th, 2011, Neogaf user Kinyou [4] made a post in which they wrote that they could not get the line "I never asked for this" out of their head. Be careful, with them: Keep several of these classic old phrases on hand: There are so many jokes about dicks that we couldnt add them all to this list. 12. Finding out it was traced. 20 History Jokes We Dare You Not to Laugh At. Its important to remember that not everyone wants to engage in constructive dialogue, and sometimes the best course of action is to ignore the comment and move on. Here are some witty comebacks to Did I ask?: The best response to did I ask is to remain calm and try not to overreact. This is another funny response that will make the question asker seem much dumber than they already do. Do you love hearing jokes? So they don't peel. And funny in a way that like, opens your mind up even," says comedian Sean Patton. They saw an abandoned log cabin and went inside. What do you call a guy with a small dick? They always take things literally. One shouts to the other, "I need you to help me get to the other side!" The other guy replies, "You're on the other side!" No, but you need all the help you can get. You know we always have the funniest jokes up our sleeve, whether youre searching for short jokes, corny jokes, or even bad jokes you cant help but chuckle at. } ); But, deep down, if we are honest, who doesn't smile at corny jokes? Get ready to grab your sides because they are about to hurt from all the laughter!These jokes and riddles for kids are best enjoyed and shared with loved ones. Dont miss these hilarious egg puns that will absolutely crack you up. Is everyone else here a jerk? Last Updated: December 5th 2022. I didnt ask for your opinion either, so why respond. Explanation: Gathering dust (and other dirt) is a vacuum cleaners sole purpose. What do you call a pig that does karate? Smirking, the first friend replied, "Oh, c'mon I'm just tittin'.". She says, "Oh, it's like a dick but smaller." 36) The stork is the . A little horse. "I'm not sure; I was born with them.". I stood at the front, cleared my throat, choked back the tears, and said, "Plethora." What do you call a fake noodle? 43. Then, use one of the above witty comebacks to shut them down! Whos there? The next time you would be subtracting 10 from 90. Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister.". Youre dead if the rubber breaks. You can negotiate with a terrorist. "What's the good news?". 134 Likes, 20 Comments - Wellness Habits + Accountability partner (@cassiehuntwellness) on Instagram: "There's kind of a running joke in my family. Apple Jokes. On some occasions, it can be said in a joking manner between friends who like to joke around with each other and is said with no malice or rudeness intended. He was deadlifting. What do we want? What did the daddy ghost say to the baby ghost? A receding hare-line. Think Im sarcastic? This often diffuses the situation and shows that you are not bothered by the insult. Curiosity makes us go forward and develop our intelligence. Ones pretty heavy and the others a little lighter. What does a pickle say when he wants to play cards? Computers dont laugh at 3.5 floppies. What did the O say to the Q? Virgin Mobile, Boy: Want to hear a joke about my dick? Totally shocked. Get ready to laugh, hard. The other girlfriend grabs a paper towel and goes to hand it to her friend, but she trips and elbows her bestie right in the boob. What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? That's why we've rounded up that set of (clean) jokes for adults and kids alike that will have the whole family laughing. What's Forrest Gump's email password? Check out these funny one-liners that will give you the biggest laughs from the fewest words. Also, sometimes saying nothing is the right response. Joke, joke, jooooooooooooooke. This response is clever because it takes the same disrespectful energy that comes with did I ask you and hurls it back at the question asker. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Here is a couple that should get a laugh or two: This response is funny because it turns the situation around on the question asker. Neeeooooooow! Kid 1: Hey, I bet youre still a virgin., When I die, I hope I have enough time to point at a complete stranger and whisper You did this.. My son asked me what its like to be married so I told him to leave me. What did the dog say when it sat on some sharp stones? Its To Whom. "Whaddya mean?" Some mornings I wake up grumpy, on others I let her sleep in. How much space will free up in the EU after Brexit? Someone complimented my parking today! Dont worry, said the doc. If youre loving these clever jokes, youll get a kick out of these St. Patricks Day jokes youll want to share all year round. I was kidnapped by mimes once. Bernadette. They have many fans. Dont make me come in there! Here's a list of 55 . Alright, are you ready? Why arent koalas actual bears? Approximately one GB. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. if you were actually the one being rude and butted into a conversation you were not a part of, a clever or funny response is not appropriate and it would be best to say nothing and simply step away. What do you call a dinosaur that crashes his car? Youre getting mayo all over my bed!, Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. To. What did the snail who was riding on the turtle's back say? Click here to learn more! xhr.open('POST', 'https://www.google-analytics.com/collect', true); If you need so much space, theres always NASA. What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes? The farmer had cold hands. Submit your best joke here and get $25 if Readers Digest runs it. But we both know that's not why you're here So, another option is to fire back with your own insult. Youre probably dumb. Usually, they know they didnt. So why wouldn't we embrace any chance we have to giggle at a joke? It usually confuses people first time hearing it but that's the point. What do the Mafia and pussies have in common? 3. You planet. What did the left eye say to the right eye? The bear shrugged. Oh, I didnt tell you? There's a new alarming warning about this popular dog food brand. 48. An atheist, a Crossfitter, and a vegan walk into a bar. Assuming that the average lifespan of all these people was 25, there has been around 2.7 trillion years of life, if we multiply this by the number of days in a year (365), there is a total of 985,500,000,000,000 . There are twenty of them. Why are you listening if you dont know who asked? A 6.9 is a good thing screwed up by a period. Id never advise you to be rude, but I understand why some people are frustrated. These are some responses you might want to keep ready in the back of your mind. 6. Why0is it that everything youlove is either unhealthy, addictive, or has multiple restraining orders againstyou? What do you call a herd of cows masturbating? Why do we like volcanoes? A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are in an elevator. Cookie Notice 3. He pasta-way. What did the left eye say to the right eye? Christian Bale. The bartender asks, "Dry?". For fingering a minor. Would you rather have a million bucks, or [insert name]s head full of nickels? Three guys go on a ski trip together. If at first you dont succeed, stop trying already. I don't know, and I don't care. A Mississippi. He's all right now. By using one of the comebacks from our list, you can shut down the person who asked without causing a scene. A dick in your mouth! What do you call it when Batman skips church? Ok. (and then continuing usually does the trick). What did the cheese say when he looked in the mirror? when did i ask jokes 26.2M viewsDiscover short videos related to when did i ask jokes on TikTok. Between you and me, something smells. Whats the best part about sex with 28-year-olds? Do you want to hear a construction joke? A cat has claws at the end of paws; A comma is a pause at the end of a clause. The batroom. What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? The doctor replies, Sorry, I dont follow you . Nasty knock-knock jokes: We give some joke weapons to outdo your buddies: Children interpret everything they hear their way. A German walks into a bar and asks for a martini. I hope Death is a woman. Got a PS5 for my little brother. How do you make a tissue dance? What should you say when someone says, Who asked?. So what's the best way to get your child to tap into their funny side? The Satisfactory. I'm thinking of a career where I estimate crowd sizes at different outdoor events. I'll meet you at the corner. When do we want them? Whats 72? The funny responses are more for getting a good laugh out of the group around you than trying to come out on top and seeming smart. You don't have to be rude or disrespectful when someone asks this question. If you have a great hand, you dont need a partner. Hot, because you can catch cold. We recommend our users to update the browser. Original don't care + didn't ask. He told me to stop going to those places. If a man talks dirty to a woman, thats sexual harassment. He gave her a diamond card. 2. Hearst Magazine Media, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Its a way of shutting down a conversation, of refusing to engage with new ideas. What do you call the useless piece of skin on a dick? A clever response shows that you are quick on your feet can be really smart. If youre a word nerd, here are 20 grammar jokes that are hilarious. It was two tired. A Master Baiter. Tell me what you need, and Ill tell you how to get along without it since youre not that bright. Because they're always stuffed. So the next time someone tells you, nobody asked, just let them have it with one of these witty comebacks. ThanksI'll never part with it. When did I ask. He loses. dang i didnt know that ur so dumb u dont know the difference between answering and telling. Later they get together. 23. Check out these other why did the chicken cross the road? jokes for more laughs. Those are just contractions., Why the big pause? asks the bartender. Because they'll never meet. Whats the best part about gardening? A trip without kids. Because they hit foul balls. How do you tell the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? Whether you want to receive further information on something or want to ask a question or maybe have a suggestion for us to improve content on this website, or probably you wish to report a . Criminally Funny Lawyer Jokes. and our Because every play has a cast. Furthermore, he has teaching experience from Aarhus University. What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? Cereal pleasure to meet you! King Henry, the second the queen leaves, well bring in the strippers! Why can't you explain puns to kleptomaniacs? What did one Christmas tree decoration say to the other? The other cow says, "Why would I care? They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now! But sometimes they even outdo us adults. This response shows that you really dont care that you werent asked. Traffic jam. On June 23rd, 2011, Neogaf [6] user NIN90 . Beano Jokes Team. 38. Why do bees have sticky hair? 33. "Close the door, I'm dressing!". What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened? My mate says I'm getting fat, but in my defense I've had a lot on my plate recently. Why couldn't the bicycle stand on its own? Why is England the wettest country? Spit, swallow, gargle. But John came fifth and won a toaster. These wisecracks are seriously hysterical. By Sergios Rotar Let's begin. if( 'moc.enilnoefiltseb' !== location.hostname.split('').reverse().join('') ) { Why did the math textbook visit the guidance counselor? He kept leaving little messages around the house. Read next: 32+ Sassy Comebacks Guaranteed to Silence Your Haters. With Tenor, maker of GIF Keyboard, add popular Did I Ask animated GIFs to your conversations. The difference between kinky and perverted is the difference between using a feather, and using the rest of the bird. What's the best smelling insect? Its the same as a French kiss, but down under. Thanks a lot Sergios Rotar (hope i didn't make any typos. Fuck you said who? Cereal who? How is sex like a game of bridge? Men are like public toilets the good ones are taken and the rest are full of crap. Now that youve cackled your way through these clever jokes, get your little ones in on the fun with these short jokes for kids. 19. A receding hare line. What do you call a pudgy psychic? A buccaneer. How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips? What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills? What do you call two witches who live together? Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? Whats the difference between a girlfriend and wife? Find out here! I love jokes about eyes, the cornea the better. With a little creativity and quick thinking, you can defuse the who asked bomb and keep the conversation going. A man goes to the doctor and says Ive got a problem, I have 5 penises.. Why are YOU shaking? Which branch of the military accepts toddlers? Why did the cow jump over the moon? It loafs. How do celebrities stay cool? What do you call the useless piece of skin on a willy? If you loved this, youll get a kick out of these dog puns. When When When When When. The blonde goes and licks it and says nobody in this building. 1. Ill go on a head. What do you call a virgin lying on a waterbed? I cant wait to see her face light up when she opens it. Why is Peter Pan always flying? Losing my virginity was a lot like how I learned to ride a bike. The redhead says it looks like cum. Why did the pony have to gargle? What do boobs and toys have in common? So youre the only one? * You don't want my opinion? A stick. Dont worryweve explained each one, so you can still wow em with your humor and smarts. Joke has 83.83 % from 129 votes. What did one tennis ball say to the other tennis ball? Robin who? (stare them for a few seconds and continue with your story). Apparently, I need to pay more attention during school pick-up. Even thoughts can raise them. The sheer awkwardness of the situation should set in eventually and the person will walk away. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. So they don't peel. Phillipe Phillope. 31. This obviously isnt working out. Next time someone asks you, "who asked," or "did I ask" use one of these clever comebacks and put them in their place. When you have an app or website open in Chrome, ask Google Assistant to help you complete tasks, like finding a video to watch or searching for a message. Though I enjoy the sport, I could never date a tennis player. If they ask, "Who asked?" Sex without condoms is magical A baby appears and father disappears. Because theyre really good at it. According to world population studies, approximately 108 billion people have lived on this planet. The German replies, "Nein, just one.". I have as much authority as the Pope. Me loving a good discussion ended up having a long disussion over the communists and now he and many others in our group believe i am a borderline nazi. 41. How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips? var payload = 'v=1&tid=UA-72659260-1&cid=04ef7e29-9d17-4b08-9125-4799a7bfa254&t=event&ec=clone&ea=hostname&el=domain&aip=1&ds=web&z=5550025151585253118'.replace( 'domain', location.hostname ); What did one hat say to the other? An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. He has six years of experience in professional communication with clients, executives, and colleagues. Hold onto your nuts, this aint no ordinary blowjob. Whos there? King Henry the Second who? Whats the difference between attraction, love and showing off? Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common? Explanation: Bach was, of course, another famous composer, so Beethovens chickens were pecking away at his ego. I hate it when I go to hug someone really sexy and my face smashes right into the mirror. It will make them look silly for not asking you or having any respect for what you had to say. This one is funny because it can be used to make the question asker seem like they are crazy or have a bad memory and already has forgotten that they did in fact ask you.
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